For the first time in my life, I am taking charge and doing what I want, choosing me over everyone else.
I founded the journal I had been dreaming of my entire career as an undergraduate, and created a team of passionate writers and readers.
I ran through the pouring rain to an interview in order to work as a Research Assistant to help build a video game, and got it.
I pursued a competitive internship working for a first-time published author that is already climbing the ladder, and got it.
I didn’t stop.
I haven’t stopped.
Even though I am finally choosing me, even though I am finally doing the work I was meant to do…I am losing what I loved before all of this began.
I used to draw.
I used to paint.
I used to make jewelry.
And I used to sing.
Up until my freshman year at UNH, I wanted to be a singer. Singing was my thing. I had sung in every choir and chamber ensemble available to me. I competed in numerous singing competitions. I used to sing for the Manchester Fisher Cats in front of a few thousand people. I was a “fan favorite” as a singer at The New Hampshire Motor Speedway, and earned a spot to sing for NASCAR in front of 75,000 live with a camera in my face…but it was the Canadian Anthem, not ours, so that was weird.
I sang in the car, in the shower, and in the hallway without turning my head. I performed in open mics and sang duets every opportunity I had.
But when I left a Cappella and started up Scriptor, I had to put it all on hold. My life has taken a turn for the best, both in my career, and in my social life.
However, I started becoming the person I thought I would never be.
I am always working. I am always on my phone and I am always on my computer. I can’t count how many people I am in contact with throughout my 12-13 hour work days between classes, my three jobs and Scriptor.
When I get home from school, I sit down on the couch, pull my computer back out and continue working. When I am with Alex, I spend most of my time either hidden in his room working, or cuddled up on the couch with my legs on his lap, and my laptop on mine.
This past Monday night, after an 8am-9pm day, I started to pull out my computer and became very angry.
I thought to myself…
When was the last time I drew?
When was the last time I painted?
When was the last time I made jewelry?
When was the last time I performed? Or sang in general?
When was the last time I had time to do anything?
I am happy, very happy. I have so many things that are good in my life. I am building a successful career. I have good grades. I am writing more than I ever have. I am head over heals in love with Alex. I love my friends, the new and the old. And, I am so excited (and terrified) for what’s next in my life.
By building this new life, I have lost parts of my life that I used to love and invest my time.
So, when I absolutely have no choice but to work, I will. However, I realize now that I need to start making time for myself, for making art and for singing again.
(Back in my ‘aca’ days singing “Ave” by the Queen)